You read to me and it was cool. I've been waiting for you to post some of those feelings/thoughts you've been talking about.
Three things struck me in that single reading and they are your fear of becoming a gross slob, the desire to be 'you' with your friends and the need for the constant high of the 'crush'.
I don't think you will ever become the cartoonish American -overindulgent and lazy- you described. You're too vibrant, too busy, too hungry for knowledge and the new to become that person. Too sexy -even if you say you don't like sex!- and too smart -even if you love procastinating with those assignments- for your mind to become fossilized.
About being 'you'. Who is this Ben I know then? Is it another fabrication, or have you been 'you' with me? I don't think you've fabricated a persona with me. Too raw, too energetic, too confused to be made up. But one never knows, don't you think? And that links with your need for the crush. You said that that is lost when one 'is old'. Well, to use your own words, I'm still crushing hardcore with you. I feel the same butterflies in my stomach, the same rush when I kiss you and the same need to touch you.
And I am the older one. Aren't I?
Still, your reading this to me -I'm hoping you post it soon, it was really good- somehow tells me you feel some kind of connection with me. And that is cool. I find you as yummy as always. As intriguing and as attractive as I did the first time I saw you, delicious baby boy.
XOXO
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