No.

I'm writing this because I need to actually believe it. I said no to you when you wanted to have sex. SEX. Me, saying no? I know, it sounds incredible. You, the one thing I want more than anything. But I guess I have been a little bit confused by your come-hither-get-lost thing. You see, I have played this game, but it's been a long, long time since the last time, and I'm out of practice. I want you, that's for sure. Right now I only wanna make love with you. 

And only I know how much I wanted to unzip my pants when you were kneeling in front of me. Oh, if you only knew. Or when you were standing there with your beautiful hard dick in your hand. But I want you for more than just quick, furtive, rushed sex, baby. I want you for good, long, sweaty, satisfactory sex. Sex when I can look at you, suck you off, lick you, eat you out, have you suck me, have you lick me and do you good and then have you do me good. That's what I want. A quickie would just drive me mad right now. I'd rather not have you. Not in the interim between us figuring out what you want to throw out from your closet and going to meet your friend to listen to punk bands. Not like that. You see, my frustration only increases with the days. Today I was not going to call you. But I gave in at the end of the day and called you. I'm glad. I wanted to see you, to kiss you, to touch you. And then you told me you liked the silence. 

Not talking to a lot of people. So I was reading you well. Should I just give you more space? I know this is not a relationship or anyting like that, but I would like to get to know you better and for you to get to know me better. I guess that would make this thing we have some kind of relationship. But there are still too many things floating around, too many 'whatever' when I ask you if you want me to call you tomorrow; too many 'that guy is hot' comments and too many awkward silences when you don't know what to say. Is this the way it was when I was your age? I don't even remember. 

All I know now is that I want you to be direct, to tell me what you want -no, asking me to let you suck my cock in seven minutes does not count, especilly when your grandparents are seven feet away- I want you to go beyond that. And I don't worry about sex. Sex is easy for us, sex comes naturally. But I think I want more. And in the meantime, I am lost. You are too mercurial for me, baby boy. You are too well, young, I guess. Or I am too old. The only thing I know is that my wanting you is taking its toll. Should I just cool it down? Fuck, I totally can't. I want to talk to you, I want to make love with you. 

Hopefully, I'll manage to convince you to let me lock myself with you in a Motel room this weekend so I can show you how much I wanted and I want you. Now, if you'd only let me...

XOXO