I believe all this emotional upheaval is taking its toll. I feel like shit. He just came back from a trip and I was all not-nice. I can't stand him touching me. I want to move out.
He's started his 'cold war' strategy: when I don't feel like doing what he wants or withdraw, he just acts cheery-creepy or ice-cold-baby. I can't stand it.
Also, today I felt all the accumulated effect of all the stress of work at the office this week. I've been feeling tired but this morning I had to take a pill for a headache I had and drink Mountain Dew to get my morning started. It was actually bad, I know, but it did give me a boost. Finished some stuff and ran some errands I needed to and then went to work a little in the afternoon. I can't wait until this term ends. All that work is beginning to accumulate.
Couldn't get a hold of you. Miss you, boy.
I think I'm way too attached to you. Too attached for the kind of 'relationship' you want to have with me. And I don't blame you, I am basically a 'married' man who wants out of his current relationship but has not discovered how. I know. Breaking up would be a very good first step. But as anyone who's been in a relationship knows, it's not that easy. Too much shit going on.
But I do feel trapped. I feel trapped and angry. Not a good combination. I could lash at him any moment and he'd be like 'what the fuck?'. And with good reason.
I'm just rambling. I'm tired and all I want to do is nothing. Just BE and feel at ease in my skin again. When will that be?
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